Your goofy spectacles and doofus smiles follow me around, over the nation, over the rambles of routes in my messed up imagination. Honey I fall for you every time, no matter what shape your face, what shade your eyes, what flavour your breath, I’ll always recognize your music coloured hair no matter what skin you wear. ‘I am not your boyfriend Clara’ No you’re not Doctor, you’re the mate I have the most amazing adventures with, not that I’d mate with you any day soon. Argh Doctor Who references follow me around like an aura hardly anyone understands, but yeah you, fine I won’t bring him in, won’t call you the doctor, won’t call you a fantasy, won’t call you the one man I’ve fallen so in love with through the changing faces and personalities that it’s hard not to bring him up in every conversation I have. You’re the guy with writing on your hand that describes the words that sometimes fail to form through the tangles in my mind; the one who dances to music even when it's not really there; the one who expects so much from my person that I feel like falling through my insecurities and inhibitions into the challenges I hide from.
Sunday, 14 December 2014
The streetlights flicker like candles and I catch a glimpse of your smile. It's just not the usual kind, the kind I loved growing up to. It's dark and I don't want to know why, I don't want to know what pleases you now. It's getting harder and harder for me to think of you as the sister I've bled so much for. I don't want to think about what's going on in that head of yours, but the thing is I know you too well, always did. Know the signs, the shift in your voice, the movement of your eyes. And right now I almost wish that you were a stranger. A stranger so it wouldn't hurt when I did it. It wouldn't hurt me so fucking much when I put that knife in your chest and watch you bleed, with all the disgust I have for monsters who live. Yeah streetlights are better that white lights. I don't have to see too much.
Honey the way you write is a full on riot on my heart, that can barely stand your assault, on my senses and I am overwhelmed by the emotion I buried away on those lonely nights of long ago, I spiral out of control on a wave of sorrow, no, I am not sure I want to be so helplessly lost every time you write about those stubborn wounds that don't seem to heal, I'd rather not remember what I worked so hard to forget that I don't remember it until you say those horrible words telling me about the fire that burnt you out leaving you broken, again, and I am amazed every time I realize that honey you still want to fly, you still haven't learnt the lesson we think life tries to teach us by shattering us apart in ways it's hard to get back together into the shape of a person, no you go right on, marchin' on your beautiful song, in power that refuses to back down, and it makes me smile to think of your crooked light shining on.
Saturday, 27 September 2014
'Dead' says the floor
frozen in painted tiles
as a lost shower of blood dies
and it's only her drowning
only stares at me pleadingly
to save her
a red daisy among fallen flowers,
With melting eyes I fall
wondering who'd do such a hateful deed
and I look down to see
the knife in my hand.
The woods are wet
with the piss of revolution
everyone lost in their
anger lead mazes,
only see the dark in this
Shall I leave this world
stay put my friend?
I run and trip.
'Help' they yell
and I see a spark
in the drenched woods;
soon they burn
in bloodied innocence.
there is a man I see
the man with the spark
whose life's stained
with a million others
and I know
Clap up a song
by the fireside
I'll sing along
till we win this tide
No no no don't leave me
under the embers
I get lost in their eyes
thousands of undead souls in mine
when I open my eyes
I no longer see the road
and there's no one I can hold
onto for my failing gravity.
me and my unclarity
Sunday, 7 September 2014
He lied through his stinking teeth
his lips dripped poisoned honey
and I believed every word placed on his tongue
even when I could taste the lies
and the back of my mind screamed at my useless eyes
I was hell bent on believing in the wrong religion
some tried to save me
some sang the truth
but the music stopped too soon
and I was left alone again and again
separated from the world by his wall
and for what?
to hop into his arms
too broken to question his plastic love
what finally saved me was a soul I cherished more than mine
a part of me I raised
my blood, my love
who showed me a better way
her innocent smiles and fragile tears finally blew his façade away
when I saw the monster underneath
For the ones who saw the truth and for the ones who couldn't
Thursday, 14 August 2014
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Monday, 28 July 2014
You have left me again
I swallow my tears as I walk
I miss your arms around my neck
And your words calming me down
But I know, know oh-so-well,
That you've got to go,
And do what you mean to
But must you leave me in such disarray?
I miss you till I drop - dead in my tracks
Wait for you to open your eyes
We scream as our hearts collide
Once more and I know
I'll never get over you and your yellow smile.
To You I write tonight
Words written away in the sands of time
The story's fresh and ruddy
Its crimson elixir flowing through its leaves
Pages ripe, ink bright
Imbued with the aroma of a dark warm night
Inundating my lungs, with nebulous plumes
Resuscitating the soul trapped in me.
Friday, 25 July 2014
I stop at the sound of his breath
watching my every subtle move
I turn with the frantic wind
as I try to hide
but it is always there - his breath on my face
making me sweat.
We are free for word
but poked and prodded like animals in our natural-un-habitat
with no right to live
I must do something - we all must
us creatures they once called human
in this 'control' experiment
I feel the bomb ticking now,
urging it to blow
into smithereens of help
I waited for the sun to rise. It fell.
I waited for the day to come. It went.
I waited till the stars fell down and annihilated the earth with their mighty glow - I waited after you said go.
I waited till my body imploded into little specks of star dust I was born of
My soul waited as the specs, I was, unfolded into this universe - arbitrarily forming a different creature.
And yet, as this inhuman creature I waited for the end, the inevitable end, to come, to whisper away the secret - the secret which enslaves the whole time and space.
I went on and on - a planet, a leech, a comet, a cloud, a star
A brand on the flesh of this universe - infinite - frozen through time and space - bursting open at the close - solitary, I saw it, finally the last page turned
I saw it burn with a flare so bright, so blatantly obscure
Like a fool I went - into the center - the fixed point and yet no voice whispered in my mind - no secret told - no plan - no meaning - no purpose -nothing
Everything that ever was, everything that ever will be had no deep dark secret that ran underneath the pipelines of the universe to illuminate my soul.
'But I waited' I said
'For the secret' I said
'There is none - never was'
Inspired by 'Foucault's Pendulum' by Umberto Eco