Streetlights

The streetlights flicker like candles and I catch a glimpse of your smile. It's just not the usual kind, the kind I loved growing up to. It's dark and I don't want to know why, I don't want to know what pleases you now. It's getting harder and harder for me to think of you as the sister I've bled so much for. I don't want to think about what's going on in that head of yours, but the thing is I know you too well, always did. Know the signs, the shift in your voice, the movement of your  eyes. And right now I almost wish that you were a stranger. A stranger so it wouldn't hurt when I did it. It wouldn't hurt me so fucking much when I put that knife in your chest and watch you bleed, with all the disgust I  have for monsters who live. Yeah streetlights are better that white lights. I don't have to see too much.

Blood Bath

'Dead' says the floor

frozen in painted tiles

as a lost shower of blood dies

and it's only her drowning

doesn't move

doesn't breathe

only stares at me pleadingly

to save her

my love

a red daisy among fallen flowers,

With melting eyes I fall

wondering who'd do such a hateful deed

and I look down to see

the knife in my hand.

Rave

The CDs sc-r-atc-h

and the beat d

                     r

                     o

                     p

                     s

All reason stops.

Stained Sparks

The woods are wet

with the piss of revolution

everyone lost in their

anger lead mazes,

only see the dark in this

raging fire.

Shall I leave this world

for another

or

stay put my friend?

I run and trip.

'Help' they yell

and I see a spark

in the drenched woods;

soon they burn

in bloodied innocence.

But,

there is a man I see

the man with the spark

whose life's stained

with a million others

and I know

you know

it's me.

Unclarity

Clap up a song

by the fireside

I'll sing along

till we win this tide

No no no don't leave me

under the embers

I get lost in their eyes

thousands of undead souls in mine

when I open my eyes

I no longer see the road

and there's no one I can hold

onto for my failing gravity.

me and my unclarity

Lies I couldn't Live Without

He lied through his stinking teeth

his lips dripped poisoned honey

and I believed every word placed on his tongue

even when I could taste the lies

and the back of my mind screamed at my useless eyes

I was hell bent on believing in the wrong religion

some tried to save me

some sang the truth

but the music stopped too soon

and I was left alone again and again

separated from the world by his wall

and for what?

to hop into his arms

too broken to question his plastic love

what finally saved me was a soul I cherished more than mine

a part of me I raised

my blood, my love

who showed me a better way

her innocent smiles and fragile tears finally blew his façade away

when I saw the monster underneath

I ran.

For the ones who saw the truth and for the ones who couldn't

Elementary

Blue red lights get me high

under the black glittering sky

blood drips and

spontaneous trips

keep me from falling

but they say

one day

it'll be my body they'd be hauling.

As Sherlock Holmes

Flow

I am fluid

I fall into you

under your skin

behind your eyes

and your hidden lies

are you scared of the dagger?

you’re holding it.

Don’t scream doll

it will be painless

I promise

not to rip

your heart out.

*deafening scream*

I lied.

Strength

you are the graffiti on my heart

the reckless paint;

the bohemian spray

I carry around me

to protect myself from straight lines

as I walk through the wind

alone, with your warmth keeping me safe

fight flowing through my veins.

Gone Again

You have left me again

I swallow my tears as I walk

I miss your arms around my neck

And your words calming me down

But I know, know oh-so-well,

That you've got to go,

And do what you mean to

But must you leave me in such disarray?

I miss you till I drop - dead in my tracks

Wait for you to open your eyes

We scream as our hearts collide

Once more and I know

I'll never get over you and your yellow smile.

A Story

To You I write tonight

Words written away in the sands of time

The story's fresh and ruddy

Its crimson elixir flowing through its leaves

Pages ripe, ink bright

Imbued with the aroma of a dark warm night

Inundating my lungs, with nebulous plumes

Resuscitating the soul trapped in me.

Watch

I stop at the sound of his breath

watching my every subtle move

I turn with the frantic wind

as I try to hide

but it is always there - his breath on my face

making me sweat.

We are free for word

but poked and prodded like animals in our natural-un-habitat

with no right to live

our own.

I must do something - we all must

us creatures they once called human

or burn

in this 'control' experiment

I feel the bomb ticking now,

urging it to blow

up

this

unfaithful

world

into smithereens of help 

An Icy Burn (Wait)

I waited for the sun to rise. It fell.

I waited for the day to come. It went.

I waited till the stars fell down and annihilated the earth with their mighty glow - I waited after you said go.

I waited till my body imploded into little specks of star dust I was born of 

My soul waited as the specs, I was, unfolded into this universe - arbitrarily forming a different creature. 

And yet, as this inhuman creature I waited for the end, the inevitable end, to come, to whisper away the secret - the secret which enslaves the whole time and space.

I went on and on - a planet, a leech, a comet, a cloud, a star

A brand on the flesh of this universe - infinite - frozen through time and space  -  bursting open at the close - solitary, I saw it, finally the last page turned

I saw it burn with a flare so bright, so blatantly  obscure

Like a fool I went - into the center - the fixed point and yet no voice whispered in my mind - no secret told - no plan - no meaning - no purpose -nothing

Everything that ever was, everything that ever will be had no deep dark secret that ran underneath the pipelines of the universe to illuminate my soul.

'But I waited' I said

'What for?'

'For the secret'  I said

'There is none - never was'

Inspired by 'Foucault's Pendulum' by Umberto Eco